Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Interesting Times

Tonight I've got my game which I'm really excited about, it'll be really fun to actually get a session in tonight, I hope it happens. I found out that I may or may not be having an interesting evening tomorrow, but details are sketchy so I'll let you know tomorrow.

Well I missed out on the news section last time to here's a real bumper edition.

IN THE NEWS

Telkom promises us that even though 5000 of their workers will be on strike it will not effect their service in any way. Telkom spokesperson Charlotte Mokoena said that it was because "none of them did any work anyway". She didn't actually, but would have if she was being truthful.

Oh boo hoo. Red squirrels in the UK are dying out because North American Grey Squirrels are taking over in their habitat. Disaster! Let me inform my loyal readers of something, squirrels are just rats with good PR. Besides if one species of squirrel wipes out another isn't that just natural selection in process? They are however suggesting that in order to stop the takeover you order a squirrel, that's on a plate. Yes make grey squirrels the new national food of the UK and the reds will survive. What's better, red or dead?

Well luck men living in London, Los Angeles and Las Vegas may be in for a treat. Hot-Rocker-Chick Pink apparently wants to open a string of strip joints that she may even dance in herself. Some reckon that she's turning to stripping to make ends meet but a source close to her assures that it's because she loves erotic dance. You go girl!

Well I don't know if any of you rember Brett Kebble, he was a very rich mining magnate who was killed "execution style" in his car last September. Well guess what, it appears he had leant a metric fuckpile of his shareholder's cash to the ANC. Of course he also "lent" millions to some individual ANC heavyweights much in the same way that Shabir Shiek "lent" JZ some cash. This comes to light after a forensic audit into his affairs.

Room with a view? Well in Brooklyn you could get the same thing, with additional bars. Developers have suggested tearing down an old prison and replacing it with a shopping centre and apartment block, and putting another prison on top of all that. Weird. And speaking of prisons, this one is more of a vacation camp.

Wow, the "Third Force" or "Mysterious Guy" argument is getting a lot of air play recently. First Koeberg and now the bugging of individuals and opposition parties. This is not the first time that the DA have been bugged either. I not sure which is scarier, the fact that the NIA was able to spy on people without the government's knowledge or the fact that they may have been authorised.

Included as part of the above story is the whole hoax email saga. An interesting take on this story is that it provides instant "get out of jail free" cards for anybody in the government ever implicated to anything via email. It won't be long till faxes and letter get the same treatment. If Alec Irwin get's his way television footage will also be discredited. It looks like Billy Masetlha, who was head of the NIA until he was fired because of the debacle, is taking Thabo to court for unfair dismissal, should be fun.

Sleeping with the enemy. JZ has now hired some lawyers to battle against the media. He's claiming that the media is part of a plot to prevent him from becoming the next president. His team is headed by an ex conservative party MP, the man who defended they guys that killed Chris Hani in the 90's. I suppose situations like this can result in strange bed fellows. (just to be clear here, I'm not saying the JZ sexually assaulted his legal team, only that they got into bed together, in a figurative sense).

What do you get when you cross a pig and a round worm? No, not a porker can run a maze (see the SchpatDope), but a rather bacon that's good for your heart. Yes that's right, they've made pigs that produce omega fatty acids.

Even fine art is cashing in on movie tie-ins. A new exhibit if Leonardo Da Vinci's work that will tour across Europe has been launched. do you think it's coincidence that the movie "That Da Vinci Code" is to be released soon?

In a brave move new mayor Helen Zille has stopped further spending on the upgrade of Green Point Stadium until cost and funding issues can be sorted out. While I agree that the city doesn't need a one Billion Rand soccer stadium I think a lot of voters won't see it that way. It's kind of ironic that it's the same people who will benefit most from a billion rand spent on housing and service delivery that will complain the most about not getting a brand new soccer stadium.

What do you do when you crash the Ferrari you are test driving, of course you blame the pretty woman you were trying to impress. Duh.

If you read all this: Pass go, collect Two Hundred.

WHILE WE'RE NOT ON THE SUBJECT

Ok, so you all know by now that JZ's Lawyers are trying to get the case of rape against him thrown out of court. There latest argument is that the victim didn't say no... enough. They seem to have no problem admitting that she told JZ to leave her alone multiple time during the night, they have no problem admitting that she said no when he offered her a massage, but what they do have a problem with is that after he ignored her and performed the massage anyway she did not say no when he stripped her naked and had sex with her. My god people? Maybe she just realised that he was ignoring everything she was asking him to do.

Fuck, since when does a women have to say no multiple times before it actually becomes an answer in the negative? This dude is so obviously guilty that the defense, a highly regarded advocate, has nothing to work with and is simply grasping at straws. And to think that this man could have been our next President.

Unfuckingbelievable.

CONTEST

Votes are rolling in, rember that you only have until Monday morning to make your voice heard. Please show a little love for those that contributed and lets give them some votes.

JESUS KNOWS HOW TO HOLD 'EM

Yes these poker chips actually exist, scary aint it?


WHAT A RIDE

Well I haven't seen any movies lately so I'll tell you about another spectacle I witnessed on Friday night. I had to leave work a little early to run an errand and on my way home, just before hospital bend, I was passed by a bus from the Glendale Home for the Jewish Handicapped. Now that's not a home for gentiles or Judaisticly Challenged, but rather for handicapped Jewish folk, normally of the mentally challenged variety. Ok, I'm going to stop getting myself into trouble and pull myself out of the quagmire of political correctness by pointing you to their website here, and to think that this is all just background.

Anyway I was driving home and this bus full of mentally challenged individuals drove past and they all looked really happy and I thought "wow, that's so cool that people are looking after them and that they are happy", and I waved, and they smiled and waved back. It was really heartwarming and almost a life affirming type moment. It left me feeling quite good, like a movie starring Steve Martin would.

This would be a great story if it ended there, unfortunately it doesn't. About a minute later I heard a almighty screeching of tires as the Glendale bus drove straight into the back of a slow moving vehicle so hard that the impacted car somehow ended up on two wheels driving across three lanes of traffic and back before finally coming to rest against the barrier. This all happened about a twenty meters in front of me and the traffic was moving way too fast for me to stop. I did see in passing that the people in the bus had instantly gone from waving and smiling to crying and sobbing. It made me feel bad in movie starring Adrian Brody kind of way. When I passed the car the driver was slumped over the wheel and not moving, I did all I could and called an ambulance.

Does it make me a bad person for wondering if they had let one of the handicapped drive the bus? No, but making a joke about it would. Shit. In mitigation of my horrible sense of humor I did phone the home and they told me than none of the passengers were injured.

on that downer I leave you

schpat out

2 comments:

Andrew said...

Sadly, unless he is physically in prison at the time of the ANC conference to select candidates, Zuma is still likely to be a next president - raping, corruption and all.

Yay!

Adam Fisher / fisher king said...

*sigh* oh, schpat.

as a jew, and slightly mentally handicapped (hell, i'm serving in the army for chrissakes), i think i am in full rights to tell you that your joke was terrible... hilarious and well-appreciated.

thank you.