Friday's Post

I didn't really have anything much to blog about today but something has come to my attention that needed mentioning to the general public, however I'll save that for last (I do have other less interesting things that happen to me you know!).

Firstly, Celery is the devil's putrid vegetable. I mentioned this to a colleague at lunch and he disagreed that the honor belonged to Aubergine. We did however agree that if they ever came together in an Unholy Aubergine & Celery Salad, it would be an evil not even Pope Benedict could fight.

Secondly, I ordered pizza from the Canal Walk Panarottis on Wednesday night. Elisabeth and I were in the mall but wanted a supper that we could take home and enjoy in front of the TV, so I phoned an order in to them for collection later. Now Elisabeth and I have a very standard pizza order from Panarottis, she has a "Rib rack" with half the normal amount of cheese (those damn kilojoules) and I have a "Burger Pie" with ribs instead of mince and extra cheddar (those wonderful kilojoules). After speaking to the moron on the other side of the phone for what seemed like an hour and having to repeat myself over and over until he understood we went to pick up our nosh half an hour later. When we got there I recognized the idiot manager who took my order (but I'll get back to that) and had to wait at the counter while he went to fetch the pizza.

While I waited an eternity the two teenage girl employees "hanging out" at the counter sighed restlessly and rolled their eyeballs as if to let me know that they were very put out by the fact that I'd interrupted their gripping conversation about how hot their respective teenage boyfriends were, how big a slut each of them hoped to be and the color of their vaginal discharge*. When the idiot manager returned the full enormity of the disaster that was my panarottis experience became apparent, the order had been fucked up. On Elisabeth's pizza they'd only put on half the cheese, but it was all on one side pf the pizza! And there were three burger pies, one large, one with ribs instead of mince and one with extra cheddar. WTF? Is there some kind of "One alteration per pizza" rule or some shit?

On confronting the manager he told me that the order was exactly as he'd taken it. I calmly explained that was most definitely mistaken, his head towards the kitchen he said: "oh, they probably made some mistake", nodding . At this point the hormone infested teenagers looked a little more bored and a little more put out by the fact that I was making issue with their pimply-faced overlord, I could sense that they wanted nothing more than for me to leave so that they could throw him down on a heap of pizza flour and pleasure him with the full extent of their sixteen year old sexual experience***. Me, very calmly: "Dude, you fucked up. Normally if you'd been apologetic and tried to sort the situation out I be more than happy to wait, but because you're being such a dick and trying to pass your mistakes on to people below you, you can keep your damn pizzas." I turned and walked out as he stood gaping and the teenagers reached for their birth control****.

But you know what made this fuck up the sweetest thing that happened to me all day? The idiot manager was the one who told us to move away from his restaurant because our zombie costumes were bothering his patrons, oh sweet sweet irony.

*pamphlets in the pharmacy** led me to to believe that that was what teenage girls talk about.

**don't you find pamphlets about all day feminine freshness and douching mildly offensive, what about literally hundreds of posters wallpapering your pharmacy?

***I may have read too much into it at this point though.

****again I didn't actually see this but I'm sure it happened.

Thirdly, I'm hoping on playing some 180 player poker tournaments this weekend, wish me luck.

Fourthly, vote in the bushism blog contest. The hard work of the entrants deserves to be rewarded.

Fifthly, and this is the one you've been waiting for. This dude in the states has dire need for you to visit his website. You see he needs 10 million hits very desperately. Why does he need that many hits you ask, well because if he gets them his girlfriend has to take part in a threesome! It all started with her calling him an idiot and a claim that there was no way he could create a website that would get ten million hits. It turned into a bet and he now has about 6 million. www.helpwinthebet.com

Suspecting treachery I googled and found another site,www.helpwinmybet.com, this time apparently needing 74 million bets to win. According to the second site the first one is copy cat and has nothing to do with him. It sounds like it's nothing more than a hype machine used to dispense ads, there are surprising few of these though, but what ever it is I'm always happy to help a young man achieve his goals. Go check it out.

schpat out