It's Wednesday, where's the Ninja? Rest assured he's here, you just cant see him! I have it on good authority that he'll make an appearance tomorrow. But beware, this ninja's main purpose in life is killing, just because you can't see him doesn't mean he can't see you.
In the meantime, wish me luck for the poker tournament tonight, it's going to be tough and see that I didn't get very much sleep last night it might be even tougher.
schpat out
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Return of the A game
This is a poker post, if you have no interest check back tomorrow when I might introduce you to a funny ninja.
Last night after catching up with LOST I fired up the poker machine for a game or two, you know, for practice. I stuck to the $3 + .40 single table SnG's and my B game put up a helluva fight in A's absence. In the first game a bubbled (that's finished one off the money) when I made a move with KJc and was taken out by A4o. In the next game I finished in 6th when JTh ran into A7, my J paired on the flop but my opponent stuck around (against the odd mind you) to suck out with a runner runner gut shot, but that's poker. I decided that if I lost another one I'd have had more than enough practice at losing, so one last game it was.
In the first hand I was dealt KK in the 6 seat. I bet 4xBB and got one caller. Exactly what I'd hoped for. The flop was KQQ rainbow, a fucking awesome flop giving me a full house. The only hand I was worried about was QQ for four of a kind, but as two time world champion Doyle Brunson says, you can't worry about four of a kind. I wanted to show weakness so I lead in with a small bet hoping to be raised by AK. AQ, KJ, QJ or even KQ or AA all of which were possible holdings by my opponent, hell it's internet poker he could have been holding K3o and would still have called. He did in fact call, not what I wanted, but ok. The turn was an 8 and I lead out again with a half-pot bet, he called, the pot's now up to about T$800 and the river is an J. sweet mother of Jesus I think, if he just paired his J I'm gonna score big, there's almost no chance he'd have played AA like that. He's called all the way so far so I pump on another half-pot bet of T$400 for value, he calls. What do you think he showed? That's right QQ. I paid him almost two thirds of my chips just to see four of a kind, thanks Doyle. Honestly I wouldn't have done anything different, The chances that he had that hand were so small the odds I was getting on my bets were great, incidentally he played the last street badly, with the nuts he should have bet out at me, I probably would have called and he could have won a lot more money. Doyle also says that big pairs are dangerous hands, either you win big, or you lose big. Thanks for stating the obvious.... never worry about four of a kind... grumble.
So I'm down to like T$600, out of T$1500, and looking like a complete schmuck, what am I to do now? In burst those mercenaries A game in tow with a sack on his head. The wasted no time tying him to a chair and beating him with rubber hoses until he saw the error of his ways and agreed to start playing again. Hell I even think the mercenaries got in on the action a little bit showing some real aggression. Within the space of ten hands I was chip leader, I rode that all the way to the end of the game, $15 cash, woo-hoo.
That game was over pretty quickly and I decided I needed more practice winning so I signed up for another. A game was really excited to rediscover how much fun winning was again. I had to make a few tough calls, like calling a all-in pre-flop with KQc, but ended up winning that one too. Total of $30 won for the night and a 120% ROI for the night.
I now have enough frequent player points for a cap.
I hope A game sticks around for tomorrow night, I could certainly use it. I want to get some more practice in this evening but I've got to get a good nights rest before the big game.
Tomorrow: a ninja.
schpat out
Last night after catching up with LOST I fired up the poker machine for a game or two, you know, for practice. I stuck to the $3 + .40 single table SnG's and my B game put up a helluva fight in A's absence. In the first game a bubbled (that's finished one off the money) when I made a move with KJc and was taken out by A4o. In the next game I finished in 6th when JTh ran into A7, my J paired on the flop but my opponent stuck around (against the odd mind you) to suck out with a runner runner gut shot, but that's poker. I decided that if I lost another one I'd have had more than enough practice at losing, so one last game it was.
In the first hand I was dealt KK in the 6 seat. I bet 4xBB and got one caller. Exactly what I'd hoped for. The flop was KQQ rainbow, a fucking awesome flop giving me a full house. The only hand I was worried about was QQ for four of a kind, but as two time world champion Doyle Brunson says, you can't worry about four of a kind. I wanted to show weakness so I lead in with a small bet hoping to be raised by AK. AQ, KJ, QJ or even KQ or AA all of which were possible holdings by my opponent, hell it's internet poker he could have been holding K3o and would still have called. He did in fact call, not what I wanted, but ok. The turn was an 8 and I lead out again with a half-pot bet, he called, the pot's now up to about T$800 and the river is an J. sweet mother of Jesus I think, if he just paired his J I'm gonna score big, there's almost no chance he'd have played AA like that. He's called all the way so far so I pump on another half-pot bet of T$400 for value, he calls. What do you think he showed? That's right QQ. I paid him almost two thirds of my chips just to see four of a kind, thanks Doyle. Honestly I wouldn't have done anything different, The chances that he had that hand were so small the odds I was getting on my bets were great, incidentally he played the last street badly, with the nuts he should have bet out at me, I probably would have called and he could have won a lot more money. Doyle also says that big pairs are dangerous hands, either you win big, or you lose big. Thanks for stating the obvious.... never worry about four of a kind... grumble.
So I'm down to like T$600, out of T$1500, and looking like a complete schmuck, what am I to do now? In burst those mercenaries A game in tow with a sack on his head. The wasted no time tying him to a chair and beating him with rubber hoses until he saw the error of his ways and agreed to start playing again. Hell I even think the mercenaries got in on the action a little bit showing some real aggression. Within the space of ten hands I was chip leader, I rode that all the way to the end of the game, $15 cash, woo-hoo.
That game was over pretty quickly and I decided I needed more practice winning so I signed up for another. A game was really excited to rediscover how much fun winning was again. I had to make a few tough calls, like calling a all-in pre-flop with KQc, but ended up winning that one too. Total of $30 won for the night and a 120% ROI for the night.
I now have enough frequent player points for a cap.
I hope A game sticks around for tomorrow night, I could certainly use it. I want to get some more practice in this evening but I've got to get a good nights rest before the big game.
Tomorrow: a ninja.
schpat out
Monday, May 29, 2006
Dance Dance Revolution
I had a great Weekend. Saturday was spent with family, some German cousins are out in South Africa and we had a get together to say hi. It was a lot of fun to see people that I only vaguely remember form my childhood, they're good people. There was also awesome food. On Sunday I took Elisabeth out to the market at Green Point Stadium to buy african curios for her brother in Alice Springs Australia, I wonder if he likes egg on his pizza. We had breakfast at the News Cafe and then a really late lunch at the Tibetan Tea House in Simonstown. I had a sweet potato and pea curry with much ginger and it totally rocked. We also watched more LOST.
On the poker front, I took my solid B game to the tables last night to feed off the chum left after the weekly $1M on PokerStars. Lots of people pay $220 for the chance to win the $1M but most of them are really sucky players that drop out in the first hour, the ones that drop out in the first few minutes are the worst. These are they guys that are sitting around still wanting to gamble that I like to tackle in the micro stakes SnG's. I say me B game because my A game seems to be on holiday on some tropical paradise and not responding to the urgent voicemails I've left it. Still I played 4 games last night and cashed in 3 of them, two thirds and a second, for a total profit of $7.40 or a 54% ROI. Not too bad. I'm thinking of hiring a bunch of mercenaries to find my A game and bring it back kicking a screaming before my minitournament on Wednesday night.
There is so much fucked up shit in the news at the moment that I'm not even going to mention it here. If you're interested go check it out a IOL.
During my internet foray over the weekend I did come across this very funny video. It's only for people with large pipes, but extremely funny. Who say's white men can't dance?
Also, Fisherman's Friends are awesome, thanks to the guys at role-playing for suggesting them. I loves me the strong mints.
schpat out
On the poker front, I took my solid B game to the tables last night to feed off the chum left after the weekly $1M on PokerStars. Lots of people pay $220 for the chance to win the $1M but most of them are really sucky players that drop out in the first hour, the ones that drop out in the first few minutes are the worst. These are they guys that are sitting around still wanting to gamble that I like to tackle in the micro stakes SnG's. I say me B game because my A game seems to be on holiday on some tropical paradise and not responding to the urgent voicemails I've left it. Still I played 4 games last night and cashed in 3 of them, two thirds and a second, for a total profit of $7.40 or a 54% ROI. Not too bad. I'm thinking of hiring a bunch of mercenaries to find my A game and bring it back kicking a screaming before my minitournament on Wednesday night.
There is so much fucked up shit in the news at the moment that I'm not even going to mention it here. If you're interested go check it out a IOL.
During my internet foray over the weekend I did come across this very funny video. It's only for people with large pipes, but extremely funny. Who say's white men can't dance?
Also, Fisherman's Friends are awesome, thanks to the guys at role-playing for suggesting them. I loves me the strong mints.
schpat out
Friday, May 26, 2006
Crazy SA
So you need more reasons to mistrust the police? Well here are two very good examples.
Firstly there's this story about a school girl that was forced to participate in group sex by two policemen while they recorded it on a cell phone. Later they distributed the footage via the internet and now are being charged with child pornography. They're freaky looking too, you can check out their pictures at the link above.
Secondly, remember how the cops caught the perpetrators of a major cash heist at JHB International about a month ago? Well in a robbery much like the "Lufthansa Job" portrayed in the movie "Goodfellas" some criminal scum robbed an aircraft full of foreign currency. Unfortunately they weren't as cleaver as Henry Hill and Jimmy Burke and got themselves caught. Brilliant work from the police department, what am I complaining about? Well their evidence safe was raided on Wednesday night and a very large chunk of the cash was stolen. Go guys!
Seriously I totally mistrust cops. The vast mast majority in this country are ill educated folks desperate for a job who will do anything, including putting their life on the line for very little remuneration. The salaries that South Africa offers our law enforcement officers is laughable, no wonder we can't attract superior level individuals into the job, and no wonder so many of our policemen become corrupt. If I was ever detained by the police I would make very sure someone I trusted knew exactly where I was. Although I could probably bribe my way out with a can of beans and a loaf of bread, and they could possibly be convinced to through in a stolen gun to sweeten the deal.
In other news:
Telkom is resistant to ICASA's demand that they get rid of monthly connection charges for ADSL lines. Telkom has threatened to simply raise other prices to make up for the shortfall. Note that that would only be a shortfall in revenue, it is estimated that of the R 477 charged for a 512K line the cost is only R39. Also remember that this "connection" fee is above your normal telephone line rental. Well I suppose that's what a monopoly can do for you.
Roy Bennet, a white Zimbabwean opposition member accused of trying to overthrow the Mugabe government, has been denied asylum in South Africa. The department of home affairs has not released reasons for denying him asylum but has pointed out that he is free to appeal. It's plainly obvious to anyone following the situation that should he be sent back to Zim he would undoubtedly suffer torture and even the death penalty. The only reason I can think of why asylum would not be granted is because the government wants to stay best buddies with good ol' Bob. Human rights aren't that important.
Ok folks enjoy your weekends and have fun, don't get caught by the cops!
schpat out
Firstly there's this story about a school girl that was forced to participate in group sex by two policemen while they recorded it on a cell phone. Later they distributed the footage via the internet and now are being charged with child pornography. They're freaky looking too, you can check out their pictures at the link above.
Secondly, remember how the cops caught the perpetrators of a major cash heist at JHB International about a month ago? Well in a robbery much like the "Lufthansa Job" portrayed in the movie "Goodfellas" some criminal scum robbed an aircraft full of foreign currency. Unfortunately they weren't as cleaver as Henry Hill and Jimmy Burke and got themselves caught. Brilliant work from the police department, what am I complaining about? Well their evidence safe was raided on Wednesday night and a very large chunk of the cash was stolen. Go guys!
Seriously I totally mistrust cops. The vast mast majority in this country are ill educated folks desperate for a job who will do anything, including putting their life on the line for very little remuneration. The salaries that South Africa offers our law enforcement officers is laughable, no wonder we can't attract superior level individuals into the job, and no wonder so many of our policemen become corrupt. If I was ever detained by the police I would make very sure someone I trusted knew exactly where I was. Although I could probably bribe my way out with a can of beans and a loaf of bread, and they could possibly be convinced to through in a stolen gun to sweeten the deal.
In other news:
Telkom is resistant to ICASA's demand that they get rid of monthly connection charges for ADSL lines. Telkom has threatened to simply raise other prices to make up for the shortfall. Note that that would only be a shortfall in revenue, it is estimated that of the R 477 charged for a 512K line the cost is only R39. Also remember that this "connection" fee is above your normal telephone line rental. Well I suppose that's what a monopoly can do for you.
Roy Bennet, a white Zimbabwean opposition member accused of trying to overthrow the Mugabe government, has been denied asylum in South Africa. The department of home affairs has not released reasons for denying him asylum but has pointed out that he is free to appeal. It's plainly obvious to anyone following the situation that should he be sent back to Zim he would undoubtedly suffer torture and even the death penalty. The only reason I can think of why asylum would not be granted is because the government wants to stay best buddies with good ol' Bob. Human rights aren't that important.
Ok folks enjoy your weekends and have fun, don't get caught by the cops!
schpat out
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Not a rant
Man I was going to rant about the Da Vinci Code and how so many people are cashing in on the CONTROVERSY!!11!!. I mean people writing books to confirm or debunk the book are just the beginning. The strangest cash in I've noticed is the J&B ad, that's right somehow J&B have linked the "mythical number phi" (maybe they mean number with mythical myths and stuff) witch is one of the things mentioned in Brows best selling work of FICTION!!!1!! But I'm not going to rant, everyone's doing it and I don't feel like conforming today, so just the minirant you got above then..
Here's something interesting stuff for you folks out in blog land.
A bunch of people in Port Shepstone, on the South African east coast, have spotted a UFO flying into the sea. Nobody has actually said "alien craft" yet but you know it's coming. Divers called off the search for wreckage because of rough seas, or because they are afraid we'll discover too much. ArchAngel is this true?
During my net trawling I found this site with an interesting way for you to market your company. With charity, models and nudity how the heck could it go wrong?
Here's an idea for a shirt that tucks itself in. What happens when it becomes uncomfortably tight? huh?
An interesting story of "boer maak 'n plan", that's 'farmer makes a plan' for non-south africans, this farmer dude created a warless network in a valley unserviced by any telecom company to provide his friends with internet access. Unfortunately in South Africa this is totally illegal. Wanker govt.
If you didn't thing your school outings were very exciting check out this one, where the entire class got sent to jail.
The security guards are still on strike and now the Labour Minister, Membathisi Mdladlana, has been asked to intervene. In a complete mutilation of the english language and of logic the minister said: "People are constantly calling on the minister to intervene in criminal activities. What do they mean when they say intervene? The only problem we have is the flexibility of the law," I'm not sure what he mean or if he even means anything. Wanker.
That's enough for today
schpat out
Here's something interesting stuff for you folks out in blog land.
A bunch of people in Port Shepstone, on the South African east coast, have spotted a UFO flying into the sea. Nobody has actually said "alien craft" yet but you know it's coming. Divers called off the search for wreckage because of rough seas, or because they are afraid we'll discover too much. ArchAngel is this true?
During my net trawling I found this site with an interesting way for you to market your company. With charity, models and nudity how the heck could it go wrong?
Here's an idea for a shirt that tucks itself in. What happens when it becomes uncomfortably tight? huh?
An interesting story of "boer maak 'n plan", that's 'farmer makes a plan' for non-south africans, this farmer dude created a warless network in a valley unserviced by any telecom company to provide his friends with internet access. Unfortunately in South Africa this is totally illegal. Wanker govt.
If you didn't thing your school outings were very exciting check out this one, where the entire class got sent to jail.
The security guards are still on strike and now the Labour Minister, Membathisi Mdladlana, has been asked to intervene. In a complete mutilation of the english language and of logic the minister said: "People are constantly calling on the minister to intervene in criminal activities. What do they mean when they say intervene? The only problem we have is the flexibility of the law," I'm not sure what he mean or if he even means anything. Wanker.
That's enough for today
schpat out
Monday, May 22, 2006
Totally Bitchin
It was Elisabeth's birthday on saturday and we were out the whole day doing stuff, we ended up having super at the Starlight Diner, man that place rocks. And it's open 24 hrs a day as zenstar found out on thursday night.
Also a comment made by Elisabeth months ago prompted me to bake her a special kind of cake for her birthday. It was one of those barbie doll cakes where the cake is decorated to look like a ball gown. For my first attempt at baking and my first attempt at decorating a cake I think it turned out pretty well. The final product was ready at about 23:30 on Saturday, just before the end of Elisabeth's birthday. We ate it with ice cream and chocolate sauce, mmm yummy.
Other than that I didn't play any poker but I did watch an interesting movie. "Waiting..." is an independent film about a group of people working in a chain restaurant. It stars a couple of C list actors and involves a very "interesting" game. The film reminded me of Clerks, but only about a quarter as cool. Still a quarter of infinitely cool is still pretty fucking cool!
I also finally got to see the last three episodes of Desperate Housewives Season One, meh. I think that exposure to Lost has ruined serialised drama for me. I hear Prison Break is pretty cool but compared to Lost it'll only be a fraction of infinitely cool.
I did read a couple of stories this morning that I felt were newsworthy enough for me to mention here:
The first is that an "unauthorised" biography on Thabo Mbeki was pulled from air at the last moment when it was discovered that "internal approval processes were not correctly followed". This was supposed to be part of a series of "unauthorised" documentaries about prominent South Africans. Is it just a coincidence that the one about the most powerful person in the company was not aired? This is after even Cosatu has admitted that too much power rests in the presidency.
The second is a story that outlines one of the many reasons I don't trust the police. Read the whole story for all the details but basically a guy was accused of stealing some coke by a security guard when leaving a shop. Even though the guy had handed his coke (purchased elsewhere) in at the parcel counter and could produce a receipt the security guards physically detained him and cuffed him to a pole outside the shop while they waited for the police. That evening, after urinating on himself and being mocked by the security guards, the police had not arrived and he marched off to the station where the police refused to inspect his receipt and he was thrown in jail until a magistrate freed him the next day. Fucktards. All the evidence was there in front of them, but they just couldn't have given a shit. Wankers! The due also lost his job because he failed to turn up for work and when he explained what happened the boss he was fired for having had a run in with the police. BTW this all happened a year and a half ago and now he's suing the government.
schpat out
Also a comment made by Elisabeth months ago prompted me to bake her a special kind of cake for her birthday. It was one of those barbie doll cakes where the cake is decorated to look like a ball gown. For my first attempt at baking and my first attempt at decorating a cake I think it turned out pretty well. The final product was ready at about 23:30 on Saturday, just before the end of Elisabeth's birthday. We ate it with ice cream and chocolate sauce, mmm yummy.
Other than that I didn't play any poker but I did watch an interesting movie. "Waiting..." is an independent film about a group of people working in a chain restaurant. It stars a couple of C list actors and involves a very "interesting" game. The film reminded me of Clerks, but only about a quarter as cool. Still a quarter of infinitely cool is still pretty fucking cool!
I also finally got to see the last three episodes of Desperate Housewives Season One, meh. I think that exposure to Lost has ruined serialised drama for me. I hear Prison Break is pretty cool but compared to Lost it'll only be a fraction of infinitely cool.
I did read a couple of stories this morning that I felt were newsworthy enough for me to mention here:
The first is that an "unauthorised" biography on Thabo Mbeki was pulled from air at the last moment when it was discovered that "internal approval processes were not correctly followed". This was supposed to be part of a series of "unauthorised" documentaries about prominent South Africans. Is it just a coincidence that the one about the most powerful person in the company was not aired? This is after even Cosatu has admitted that too much power rests in the presidency.
The second is a story that outlines one of the many reasons I don't trust the police. Read the whole story for all the details but basically a guy was accused of stealing some coke by a security guard when leaving a shop. Even though the guy had handed his coke (purchased elsewhere) in at the parcel counter and could produce a receipt the security guards physically detained him and cuffed him to a pole outside the shop while they waited for the police. That evening, after urinating on himself and being mocked by the security guards, the police had not arrived and he marched off to the station where the police refused to inspect his receipt and he was thrown in jail until a magistrate freed him the next day. Fucktards. All the evidence was there in front of them, but they just couldn't have given a shit. Wankers! The due also lost his job because he failed to turn up for work and when he explained what happened the boss he was fired for having had a run in with the police. BTW this all happened a year and a half ago and now he's suing the government.
schpat out
Friday, May 19, 2006
Friday Afternoon Blamestorming
It's friday afternoon, everybody is ready to go home for a nice relaxing weekend and suddenly a hereunto unnoticed ELE springs up out of nowhere and ensures that people frantically run amok trying to put things to rights.. These issues are invariably impossible to resolve in a completely satisfactory manner and the hastily implemented resolutions usually result in further complications that nullify any actions taken.
Where do these problems come from?
Well that's an interesting question, but the real question should be how can this happen with such alarming regularity that it becomes predictable?
I have a theory.
Magic. That's right folks magic. You see, there is no way that people (and its normally the same people) only notice the signs of impending doom at 14:30 on a friday afternoon, this mysteriously happens three weeks out of every four. These "big" issues are "sold" to anyone that will listen until panic and frenzy are built up to sufficient levels that people will do anything to resolve the problem and I do mean anything. The normal rules and predefined processes are tossed out the window in the mad rush to fix "the problem", no regard is taken for the ramifications of the solution and the actual implementation of the solution is normally left up to either myself or a colleague.
So how does this relate to magic?
What's really going on here?
Well it takes one of two forms, but in both cases it's an illusion. Most often the problem is no problem at all but the frenzy makes the "Magician" (the guy that notices the issue) look good, and feel important. Furthermore a plethora of minor issues will be forgiven during the course of the next week and written off as they were "caused" by the hastily adopted fix for the "big" issue. The other, and more insidious, form of the illusion is when the "Magician" is unsure of the outcome of a decision he has made. In this instance the "Magician" approaches the "Volunteer" (that's either me or my colleague) and tells us that our implementation of an operational solution we have prepared based on his decision is fundamentally flawed and then proceeds to go home for the weekend making it impossible to fix. If all goes well with the operational solution he looks good because despite the "Volunteer's" incompetence his brilliant idea prevails, and if it goes badly he looks good because his brilliant idea would have worked if it wasn't for the incompetence of "Volunteers".
In both cases, and there are many subcategories, the "Magician" is distracting the "Audience" (the bosses) while he saws the "Volunteer" in half, literally.
But when I started this blog I promised not to mention too much about work, by the way my blog is one year old as of yesterday. If I think about that I started the blog because I was exited about seeing SWIII I've come a long way. 365 days, 133 posts and 4059 hits. I'm happy with what I've achieved here.
Anyway, enjoy your weekend
schpat out
Where do these problems come from?
Well that's an interesting question, but the real question should be how can this happen with such alarming regularity that it becomes predictable?
I have a theory.
Magic. That's right folks magic. You see, there is no way that people (and its normally the same people) only notice the signs of impending doom at 14:30 on a friday afternoon, this mysteriously happens three weeks out of every four. These "big" issues are "sold" to anyone that will listen until panic and frenzy are built up to sufficient levels that people will do anything to resolve the problem and I do mean anything. The normal rules and predefined processes are tossed out the window in the mad rush to fix "the problem", no regard is taken for the ramifications of the solution and the actual implementation of the solution is normally left up to either myself or a colleague.
So how does this relate to magic?
What's really going on here?
Well it takes one of two forms, but in both cases it's an illusion. Most often the problem is no problem at all but the frenzy makes the "Magician" (the guy that notices the issue) look good, and feel important. Furthermore a plethora of minor issues will be forgiven during the course of the next week and written off as they were "caused" by the hastily adopted fix for the "big" issue. The other, and more insidious, form of the illusion is when the "Magician" is unsure of the outcome of a decision he has made. In this instance the "Magician" approaches the "Volunteer" (that's either me or my colleague) and tells us that our implementation of an operational solution we have prepared based on his decision is fundamentally flawed and then proceeds to go home for the weekend making it impossible to fix. If all goes well with the operational solution he looks good because despite the "Volunteer's" incompetence his brilliant idea prevails, and if it goes badly he looks good because his brilliant idea would have worked if it wasn't for the incompetence of "Volunteers".
In both cases, and there are many subcategories, the "Magician" is distracting the "Audience" (the bosses) while he saws the "Volunteer" in half, literally.
But when I started this blog I promised not to mention too much about work, by the way my blog is one year old as of yesterday. If I think about that I started the blog because I was exited about seeing SWIII I've come a long way. 365 days, 133 posts and 4059 hits. I'm happy with what I've achieved here.
Anyway, enjoy your weekend
schpat out
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
It's never good when they run
"..certain splinter groups broke away from the main group and ran through the side streets of the CBD causing havoc as they went. The current situation calm and there is no evidence of splinter groups in the area.
We have been informed by the CCID that there is relative calm in the CBD..."
You'd be forgiven for thinking that the preceding was the latest news from the streets of Baghdad, but you'd be wrong. This is part of an actual email that I received from Campus Management at 15:30 today in the wake of the Security Worker protest in Cape Town. My God, what are things coming to.
And the winner is (drum roll)
Moonflake with quote A by a landslide.
Out of his Mouth: “Because he's hiding." —George W. Bush, responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005”
In his Head: “And I haven’t finished counting to 100 yet anyway.”
Moonie, let me know where you want your gift certificate from and I'll make sure you get it soon.
When I say landslide I mean 3 votes out of five, the other two went to C and F, with F receiving many honorable mentions in two other votes. Due to general lack of interest I don't know when I'll e running another blog contest, I will run one again, but probably not soon.
Again I have amassed hits on at least 6 of the seven continents, and probably Antarctica too. Go me.
Anyway, other than having tried to poison my wife nothing much has happened this week, life is boring.
schpat out
Ooh Ooh, there might be a Thurteem collaborative blog starting up soon, that's exciting.
This was yesterday's post btw
We have been informed by the CCID that there is relative calm in the CBD..."
You'd be forgiven for thinking that the preceding was the latest news from the streets of Baghdad, but you'd be wrong. This is part of an actual email that I received from Campus Management at 15:30 today in the wake of the Security Worker protest in Cape Town. My God, what are things coming to.
And the winner is (drum roll)
Moonflake with quote A by a landslide.
Out of his Mouth: “Because he's hiding." —George W. Bush, responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005”
In his Head: “And I haven’t finished counting to 100 yet anyway.”
Moonie, let me know where you want your gift certificate from and I'll make sure you get it soon.
When I say landslide I mean 3 votes out of five, the other two went to C and F, with F receiving many honorable mentions in two other votes. Due to general lack of interest I don't know when I'll e running another blog contest, I will run one again, but probably not soon.
Again I have amassed hits on at least 6 of the seven continents, and probably Antarctica too. Go me.
Anyway, other than having tried to poison my wife nothing much has happened this week, life is boring.
schpat out
Ooh Ooh, there might be a Thurteem collaborative blog starting up soon, that's exciting.
This was yesterday's post btw
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Friday's Post
I didn't really have anything much to blog about today but something has come to my attention that needed mentioning to the general public, however I'll save that for last (I do have other less interesting things that happen to me you know!).
Firstly, Celery is the devil's putrid vegetable. I mentioned this to a colleague at lunch and he disagreed that the honor belonged to Aubergine. We did however agree that if they ever came together in an Unholy Aubergine & Celery Salad, it would be an evil not even Pope Benedict could fight.
Secondly, I ordered pizza from the Canal Walk Panarottis on Wednesday night. Elisabeth and I were in the mall but wanted a supper that we could take home and enjoy in front of the TV, so I phoned an order in to them for collection later. Now Elisabeth and I have a very standard pizza order from Panarottis, she has a "Rib rack" with half the normal amount of cheese (those damn kilojoules) and I have a "Burger Pie" with ribs instead of mince and extra cheddar (those wonderful kilojoules). After speaking to the moron on the other side of the phone for what seemed like an hour and having to repeat myself over and over until he understood we went to pick up our nosh half an hour later. When we got there I recognized the idiot manager who took my order (but I'll get back to that) and had to wait at the counter while he went to fetch the pizza.
While I waited an eternity the two teenage girl employees "hanging out" at the counter sighed restlessly and rolled their eyeballs as if to let me know that they were very put out by the fact that I'd interrupted their gripping conversation about how hot their respective teenage boyfriends were, how big a slut each of them hoped to be and the color of their vaginal discharge*. When the idiot manager returned the full enormity of the disaster that was my panarottis experience became apparent, the order had been fucked up. On Elisabeth's pizza they'd only put on half the cheese, but it was all on one side pf the pizza! And there were three burger pies, one large, one with ribs instead of mince and one with extra cheddar. WTF? Is there some kind of "One alteration per pizza" rule or some shit?
On confronting the manager he told me that the order was exactly as he'd taken it. I calmly explained that was most definitely mistaken, his head towards the kitchen he said: "oh, they probably made some mistake", nodding . At this point the hormone infested teenagers looked a little more bored and a little more put out by the fact that I was making issue with their pimply-faced overlord, I could sense that they wanted nothing more than for me to leave so that they could throw him down on a heap of pizza flour and pleasure him with the full extent of their sixteen year old sexual experience***. Me, very calmly: "Dude, you fucked up. Normally if you'd been apologetic and tried to sort the situation out I be more than happy to wait, but because you're being such a dick and trying to pass your mistakes on to people below you, you can keep your damn pizzas." I turned and walked out as he stood gaping and the teenagers reached for their birth control****.
But you know what made this fuck up the sweetest thing that happened to me all day? The idiot manager was the one who told us to move away from his restaurant because our zombie costumes were bothering his patrons, oh sweet sweet irony.
*pamphlets in the pharmacy** led me to to believe that that was what teenage girls talk about.
**don't you find pamphlets about all day feminine freshness and douching mildly offensive, what about literally hundreds of posters wallpapering your pharmacy?
***I may have read too much into it at this point though.
****again I didn't actually see this but I'm sure it happened.
Thirdly, I'm hoping on playing some 180 player poker tournaments this weekend, wish me luck.
Fourthly, vote in the bushism blog contest. The hard work of the entrants deserves to be rewarded.
Fifthly, and this is the one you've been waiting for. This dude in the states has dire need for you to visit his website. You see he needs 10 million hits very desperately. Why does he need that many hits you ask, well because if he gets them his girlfriend has to take part in a threesome! It all started with her calling him an idiot and a claim that there was no way he could create a website that would get ten million hits. It turned into a bet and he now has about 6 million. www.helpwinthebet.com
Suspecting treachery I googled and found another site,www.helpwinmybet.com, this time apparently needing 74 million bets to win. According to the second site the first one is copy cat and has nothing to do with him. It sounds like it's nothing more than a hype machine used to dispense ads, there are surprising few of these though, but what ever it is I'm always happy to help a young man achieve his goals. Go check it out.
schpat out
Firstly, Celery is the devil's putrid vegetable. I mentioned this to a colleague at lunch and he disagreed that the honor belonged to Aubergine. We did however agree that if they ever came together in an Unholy Aubergine & Celery Salad, it would be an evil not even Pope Benedict could fight.
Secondly, I ordered pizza from the Canal Walk Panarottis on Wednesday night. Elisabeth and I were in the mall but wanted a supper that we could take home and enjoy in front of the TV, so I phoned an order in to them for collection later. Now Elisabeth and I have a very standard pizza order from Panarottis, she has a "Rib rack" with half the normal amount of cheese (those damn kilojoules) and I have a "Burger Pie" with ribs instead of mince and extra cheddar (those wonderful kilojoules). After speaking to the moron on the other side of the phone for what seemed like an hour and having to repeat myself over and over until he understood we went to pick up our nosh half an hour later. When we got there I recognized the idiot manager who took my order (but I'll get back to that) and had to wait at the counter while he went to fetch the pizza.
While I waited an eternity the two teenage girl employees "hanging out" at the counter sighed restlessly and rolled their eyeballs as if to let me know that they were very put out by the fact that I'd interrupted their gripping conversation about how hot their respective teenage boyfriends were, how big a slut each of them hoped to be and the color of their vaginal discharge*. When the idiot manager returned the full enormity of the disaster that was my panarottis experience became apparent, the order had been fucked up. On Elisabeth's pizza they'd only put on half the cheese, but it was all on one side pf the pizza! And there were three burger pies, one large, one with ribs instead of mince and one with extra cheddar. WTF? Is there some kind of "One alteration per pizza" rule or some shit?
On confronting the manager he told me that the order was exactly as he'd taken it. I calmly explained that was most definitely mistaken, his head towards the kitchen he said: "oh, they probably made some mistake", nodding . At this point the hormone infested teenagers looked a little more bored and a little more put out by the fact that I was making issue with their pimply-faced overlord, I could sense that they wanted nothing more than for me to leave so that they could throw him down on a heap of pizza flour and pleasure him with the full extent of their sixteen year old sexual experience***. Me, very calmly: "Dude, you fucked up. Normally if you'd been apologetic and tried to sort the situation out I be more than happy to wait, but because you're being such a dick and trying to pass your mistakes on to people below you, you can keep your damn pizzas." I turned and walked out as he stood gaping and the teenagers reached for their birth control****.
But you know what made this fuck up the sweetest thing that happened to me all day? The idiot manager was the one who told us to move away from his restaurant because our zombie costumes were bothering his patrons, oh sweet sweet irony.
*pamphlets in the pharmacy** led me to to believe that that was what teenage girls talk about.
**don't you find pamphlets about all day feminine freshness and douching mildly offensive, what about literally hundreds of posters wallpapering your pharmacy?
***I may have read too much into it at this point though.
****again I didn't actually see this but I'm sure it happened.
Thirdly, I'm hoping on playing some 180 player poker tournaments this weekend, wish me luck.
Fourthly, vote in the bushism blog contest. The hard work of the entrants deserves to be rewarded.
Fifthly, and this is the one you've been waiting for. This dude in the states has dire need for you to visit his website. You see he needs 10 million hits very desperately. Why does he need that many hits you ask, well because if he gets them his girlfriend has to take part in a threesome! It all started with her calling him an idiot and a claim that there was no way he could create a website that would get ten million hits. It turned into a bet and he now has about 6 million. www.helpwinthebet.com
Suspecting treachery I googled and found another site,www.helpwinmybet.com, this time apparently needing 74 million bets to win. According to the second site the first one is copy cat and has nothing to do with him. It sounds like it's nothing more than a hype machine used to dispense ads, there are surprising few of these though, but what ever it is I'm always happy to help a young man achieve his goals. Go check it out.
schpat out
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
It's been a week
Hey folks, it's been a week since I posted the semi-finalists for my Bushism blog contest, now I finally have the six finalists for you to choose from. You'll get them later in this post. Why haven't I been blogging? Well actually I've been too bored to blog (2B2B). I'm not by any means a writer and this blog is merely an outlet used to give folks an insight into what I'm thinking and why, and if I have a particularly exciting experience I'll let you know about it here. Well no exciting experiences in the last week, and only the same old boring news that I'm sure everybody has heard and is totally disinterested in.
Ooh ooh, I did get a new bed! It's king-size and stands 72cm off the floor, 80cm if the new down duvet is on!
See, that currently passes for exciting.
Work has a lot to do with this funk, one of my colleagues has been on leave and I've had to pick up the slack, and the flack. I've been busy and not had much "amuse myself" time.
Anyway, enough about why I'm bored, let's get onto something I instituted to relieve boredom, the BLOG CONTEST.
That's right folks, about once a month I'm hosting a contest on my blog where one lucky person wins an actual prize. This month folks were tasked with letting us know what GW Bush was actually thinking when he uttered some of his more moronic statements. Three people entered and each gave an impressive sampling of their comedic wit. Alas there were just too many funny ones and so I asked for each of the three to choose two to be put to the vote. Here they are in no particular order.
(A)
Out of his Mouth: “Because he's hiding." —George W. Bush, responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005”
In his Head: “And I haven’t finished counting to 100 yet anyway.”
(B)
Out of his Mouth: "We are fully committed to working with both sides to bring the level of terror down to an acceptable level for both." —George W. Bush, after a meeting with congressional leaders, Washington, D.C., Oct. 2, 2001
In his Head: "My daddy always told me to aim for goals I can reach and not to seem too keen. Besides, if I say I will bring the level of terror down to zero they will all know I am lying"
(C)
Out of his Mouth: "Because the—all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those—changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be—or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the—like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate—the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those—if that growth is affected, it will help on the red."—Explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005
In his Head:
"...
did i leave the gas on?
..."
(D)
Out of his Mouth: "You believe in the Almighty, and I believe in the Almighty. That's why we'll be great partners." —George W. Bush, to Turkish Prime Minister Recap Tayyip Erdogan, Washington, D.C. Dec. 10, 2002
In his Head: "You like ham burgers I like ham burgers...no no, thats not going to work, the ham thing. Um...You like beer , I like beer..oops, nope...um what else do I like , um dont think he knows the hungry caterpillar, um God yes God, but he doesnt call him God, something with an A..um..um o yes!..."
(E)
Out of his Mouth:"I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005, on the reception of American forces in Iraq
In his Head: "but it SHOULD have been a peaceful welcome - don't these arabs watch fox news? EVERYBODY watches fox news!"
(F)
Out of his Mouth: "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
In his Head: “I mean, look at mermaids…That’s proof right there.”
Ok readers, now it's your turn to decide who wins the R100 gift certificate, send your votes, by letter, to schpat@gmail.com, you have until start of day tuesday the 16th. The entrants have put a lot of thought and work into this one, show them a little raspect, aaight!
Ooh ooh, I did get a new bed! It's king-size and stands 72cm off the floor, 80cm if the new down duvet is on!
See, that currently passes for exciting.
Work has a lot to do with this funk, one of my colleagues has been on leave and I've had to pick up the slack, and the flack. I've been busy and not had much "amuse myself" time.
Anyway, enough about why I'm bored, let's get onto something I instituted to relieve boredom, the BLOG CONTEST.
That's right folks, about once a month I'm hosting a contest on my blog where one lucky person wins an actual prize. This month folks were tasked with letting us know what GW Bush was actually thinking when he uttered some of his more moronic statements. Three people entered and each gave an impressive sampling of their comedic wit. Alas there were just too many funny ones and so I asked for each of the three to choose two to be put to the vote. Here they are in no particular order.
(A)
Out of his Mouth: “Because he's hiding." —George W. Bush, responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005”
In his Head: “And I haven’t finished counting to 100 yet anyway.”
(B)
Out of his Mouth: "We are fully committed to working with both sides to bring the level of terror down to an acceptable level for both." —George W. Bush, after a meeting with congressional leaders, Washington, D.C., Oct. 2, 2001
In his Head: "My daddy always told me to aim for goals I can reach and not to seem too keen. Besides, if I say I will bring the level of terror down to zero they will all know I am lying"
(C)
Out of his Mouth: "Because the—all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those—changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be—or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the—like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate—the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those—if that growth is affected, it will help on the red."—Explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005
In his Head:
"...
did i leave the gas on?
..."
(D)
Out of his Mouth: "You believe in the Almighty, and I believe in the Almighty. That's why we'll be great partners." —George W. Bush, to Turkish Prime Minister Recap Tayyip Erdogan, Washington, D.C. Dec. 10, 2002
In his Head: "You like ham burgers I like ham burgers...no no, thats not going to work, the ham thing. Um...You like beer , I like beer..oops, nope...um what else do I like , um dont think he knows the hungry caterpillar, um God yes God, but he doesnt call him God, something with an A..um..um o yes!..."
(E)
Out of his Mouth:"I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005, on the reception of American forces in Iraq
In his Head: "but it SHOULD have been a peaceful welcome - don't these arabs watch fox news? EVERYBODY watches fox news!"
(F)
Out of his Mouth: "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
In his Head: “I mean, look at mermaids…That’s proof right there.”
Ok readers, now it's your turn to decide who wins the R100 gift certificate, send your votes, by letter, to schpat@gmail.com, you have until start of day tuesday the 16th. The entrants have put a lot of thought and work into this one, show them a little raspect, aaight!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Contest Semi-Finals
Well, my long weekend was great! On friday night I had cooked a very nice supper, grilled salmon and roasted peppers stuffed with spiced rice, and watched a bunch more of LOST. On saturday I drove around and ran some errands, had lunch at the spur (where I get Vegas style treatment) and watched more LOST with Elisabeth. On sunday I played in a poker tournament in Milnerton, but more on that later. Monday was quite relaxed, rearranged my furniture to accommodate my new couch, did some general housework and watched more LOST. It was a good weekend.
Also I got the final submissions for the Bushisms contest, one lucky person will be walking away with a R100 gift certificate but you'll have to read until the end to find out how that's going to happen. Don't skip anything, I'll know!
THE POKER
Dude, absolutely fucking off the map hawsomeness. After a few problems with directions I met up with Roo and and we found the Italian "Club" where the day's festivities were due to get underway. Apparently we weren't the only people who had trouble with the directions because we started late to give people a change to find the place and there were quite a few no-shows leaving us with a starting field of 76. I was seated at table C with about four people I recognised from the last tournament one of which had actually been at my table of death and had to rebuy twice before only just outlasting me, and another who'd played in the satellite last week. Everybody was stopping by my table and greeting the people I didn't know and saying stuff like "ooh, though table" and "unlucky all you guys sitting together". I thought it was just the usual trash talk but I was wrong, as I was later to find out.
I played very tight, and very aggressively. I didn't win very many pots but those that I did win were big enough to keep me in the tournament. I was in the BB and was dealt AJc, there were a couple of limpers and I raised 3xBB and got only one caller, the guy who rebought twice in the last tournament. The flop was 963 with one club, he bet I called. The turn was a Q, he bet 1xBB and I called the very weak bet. The river was another low card, he checked and so did I because I thought he was trapping me. When he showed a set of 3's I knew I was right and that if I had bet he would have pushed me all in and I would have gone out right there. I thought I had lost it with my A high but somebody else at the table pointed out that I'd caught two clubs on the turn and river for a runner runner nut-flush. I was floored to have made such a stupid mistake. I could have trapped the trapper and won a huge pot, but I had lost concentration and because of that ended up not winning as much as I could have. It wasn't the worst mistake I could have made, but it's pretty unforgivable.
That was right before the first fifteen minute break, and as it turned out, the last break for the day. I berated myself for being so dumb, and chatted to Roo. Roo had also lasted to the first break but seriously only had enough chips for two BB left. I went back in with slightly above what I stated with but way below average because by this stage about half the field had gone out. That really surprised me because our table had only lost one player. The next break was scheduled for three hours time by we never got there because by then it was time for the final table, which I was on!
Leading up to this a few more people had gone out at my table, and a few had been moved to other tables to balance the numbers, but the core of players had stayed the same since the beginning. The last level before the final table was hectic. I was down to 1xBB in chips and managed to double up quite a few times so that when I got to the final table I was only the third smallest chip stack. Of my starting table no less than four of us had made it into the final, that's when I realised that it really was a scary table. I won a few hands and stole a couple of blinds but the levels were going up and I just couldn't keep up. Two of the final ten had gone out when I found myself on the BB with AQd two people had limped in and I pushed hoping for a miracle. One of the guys from my original table called what was a very small percentage of his stack with 88 and I didn't improve. I went out in 8th place with only 7 paying, I bubbled. I was pretty disappointed because at that stage I was only second shortest stack, I had about three times what the shortest did he ended up folding into 4th for R1750. At the time I thought I might be able to fold into the money, but if he won a hand I'd be screwed and I probably wasn't going to get a better hand than AQd, I'd do the same thing again. I was also disappointed that only 7 places paid because the advertised was 10 paying if there were 80 entrants, we were short four of that, or R1200 in entry fees. First place was supposed to pay R10k but only paid R7,2k I really don't understand how it worked, but I'm not going to make an issue of it the tournament directors were really nice guys and I trust that everything they did was on the up and up and that they didn't rip me off.
In the main game I only lost one had at a showdown, and I got through to the final table and placed 8th, and while disappointed that I didn't get any cash even though I'd gotten so close I'm just really happy to have gotten so far and played relatively well. If I'd gone out in say 25th place I'd be ecstatic, and not have as much disappointment, but I did better than that so I just gotta shake it off.
ITALIAN CLUB
After the main game we played another, with a smaller buy-in and fewer players. There was a time limit so we only started with 500 in chips and blinds went up every 15min. It was insane. This kind of speed play really doesn't suit me but I still managed to get through to the final table again going out in 8th, this time only three places paid so there's no feeling of disappointment.
The venue was brilliant, They had a cash bar and a restaurant with waiters milling around the poker tables taking orders. The coffee was brilliant, real Italian cappuccino rocked. During the second game I ordered a pizza, it was massive and used primo ingredients, one of which was real Italian salami, and it only cost R28!
Like I said the venue rocked, the fact that later on a few older guys in pinstripe suits arrived and went through a door marked "Private Card Room" or that Frank Sinatra was playing during the final table was just icing on the cake.
Another thing I have to mention is that the guys I played with were really nice. None of them were complete dicks like I experienced at the last tournament. I saw plenty of those dicks around but didn't play with them for long, when one of them arrived at the table we pretty much took them out quickly. The only reason I mention it is that I think that because we were playing at the Italian club people were a bit more respectful, capice?
THE CONTEST
Wow this is already a long post, and it's about to get longer. I had three serious entrants into the Bushism contest. Everybody made multiple submissions and because they're all really good I'm worried that the votes will be way too spread out to make any difference. For this reason I'm going to pos the complete list here and ask the three people who entered to choose their best two to compete with. Guys, suss out the competition and get back to me, via email to keep this anonymous.
Out of his Mouth: "I can look you in the eye and tell you I feel I've tried to solve the problem diplomatically to the max, and would have committed troops both in Afghanistan and Iraq knowing what I know today." — Irvine, Calif., April 24, 2006
In his Head: "diplomatically: the manner in which a person holding a diploma would act. - see degrematically"
Out of his Mouth: He Said: "If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything! If you don't stand for something, you don't stand for anything!" —George W. Bush, Bellevue Community College, Nov. 2, 2000
In his Head: "If I keep talking in circles they will get dizzy and this wont need to make sense"
Out of his Mouth: "As you can possibly see, I have an injury myself — not here at the hospital, but in combat with a cedar. I eventually won. The cedar gave me a little scratch." — After visiting with wounded veterans from the Amputee Care Center of Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 1, 2006
In his Head: "they'd be even more impressed if they knew how much that stung! mommy had to kiss it better!"
Out of his Mouth: "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
In his Head: “I mean, look at mermaids…That’s proof right there.”
Out of his Mouth:"I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005, on the reception of American forces in Iraq
In his Head: "but it SHOULD have been a peaceful welcome - don't these arabs watch fox news? EVERYBODY watches fox news!"
Out of his Mouth: "We are fully committed to working with both sides to bring the level of terror down to an acceptable level for both." —George W. Bush, after a meeting with congressional leaders, Washington, D.C., Oct. 2, 2001
In his Head: "My daddy always told me to aim for goals I can reach and not to seem too keen. Besides, if I say I will bring the level of terror down to zero they will all know i am lieing"
Out of his Mouth:"I mean, I read the newspaper. I mean, I can tell you what the headlines are. I must confess, if I think the story is, like, not a fair appraisal, I'll move on. But I know what the story's about." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005
In his Head: "dammit! when are they gonna open up 'The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Would Like To Do Other Things Good too'?!"
Out of his Mouth: “I'll be glad to talk about ranching, but I haven't seen the movie. I've heard about it. I hope you go — you know — I hope you go back to the ranch and the farm is what I'm about to say." —George W. Bush, after being asked whether he's seen Brokeback Mountain, Manhattan, Kan., Jan. 23, 2006”
In his Head: “Oh Jesus! Why are they asking me this? Do they know about me and Donald Rumsfeld? Quick George, say something to throw them off the scent! Ranching! Yeah, that’s manly! Talk about ranching!”
Out of his Mouth: "I aim to be a competitive nation." — San Jose, Calif., April 21, 2006
In his Head: "i KNEW i could use the word competitive in a sentence!"
Out of his Mouth: “Wow! Brazil is big." —George W. Bush, after being shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005
In his Head: “Idiot, he doesn’t even know where his own country is. That’s Australia! Brazil’s the little island next to that bit that looks like a boot.”
Out of his Mouth: "I strongly believe what we're doing is the right thing. If I didn't believe it — I'm going to repeat what I said before — I'd pull the troops out, nor if I believed we could win, I would pull the troops out." — Charlotte, N.C., April 6, 2006
In his Head: "okay, i need opposites here. think opposite! i can do this!"
Out of his Mouth: "You believe in the Almighty, and I believe in the Almighty. That's why we'll be great partners." —George W. Bush, to Turkish Prime Minister Recap Tayyip Erdogan, Washington, D.C. Dec. 10, 2002
In his Head: "You like ham burgers I like ham burgers...no no, thats not going to work, the ham thing. Um...You like beer , I like beer..oops, nope...um what else do I like , um dont think he knows the hungry caterpillar, um God yes God, but he doesnt call him God, something with an A..um..um o yes!..."
Out of his Mouth: "If the Iranians were to have a nuclear weapon they could proliferate." — Washington D.C., March 21, 2006
In his Head: "bastard speech writers! that's not a real word!... i wonder where irania is?"
Out of his Mouth: "The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
In his Head: "Wouldnt it be fun if Saddam was president of the united states? Then people wouldnt be so quit to tell him that the death penalty is a bad idea would they no.. and all the terrorists would be dead already. Saddam would deffinately be anti terrorism if he was president of the united states!"
Out of his Mouth:"[I]t's a myth to think I don't know what's going on. It's a myth to think that I'm not aware that there's opinions that don't agree with mine, because I'm fully aware of that." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005
In his Head: "if this is true, then i'm gonna have these people branded traitors and strung up, y'all."
Out of his Mouth: “The relations with, uhh — Europe are important relations, and they've, uhh — because, we do share values. And, they're universal values, they're not American values or, you know — European values, they're universal values. And those values — uhh — being universal, ought to be applied everywhere." —George W. Bush, at a press conference with European Union dignitaries, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005
In his Head: “God, I hope this isn’t a trick question. Europe’s not one of those Arab countries, is it?”
Out of his Mouth: "I mean, there was a serious international effort to say to Saddam Hussein, you're a threat. And the 9/11 attacks extenuated that threat, as far as I—concerned." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005
In his Head: "yeah, alright! how'd you four-eyed varmints like THAT?"
Out of his Mouth: "I think it's important to bring somebody from outside the system, the judicial system, somebody that hasn't been on the bench and, therefore, there's not a lot of opinions for people to look at." —George W. Bush, on the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, Washington, D.C., October 4, 2005
In his Head: "If the judge looks stupider then I am I wont look so stupid because every one will think the judge is smart cause they are a judge and if they are smart I must be smarter, HAH!"
Out of his Mouth: "And Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." — To FEMA director Mike Brown who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his job performance.—Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
In his Head: "heh, brownie. what a swell guy - i love that guy!"
Out of his Mouth: “It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of — and the allegations — by people who were held in detention, people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble — that means not tell the truth." —George W. Bush, on an Amnesty International report on prisoner abuse at Guantanamo Bay, Washington, D.C., May 31, 2005”
In his Head: “I’m so going to fire this speech writer. He can’t even spell ‘disassemble’. I mean, ‘dissemble’, seriously, where did this guy to college?”
Out of his Mouth: "No question that the enemy has tried to spread sectarian violence. They use violence as a tool to do that." — Washington
In his Head: "imagine if i didn't have my degree! this stuff is just BRILLIANT! i just don't understand why my nobel nomination hasn't come up yet *sigh*"
Out of his Mouth: “Because he's hiding." —George W. Bush, responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005”
In his Head: “And I haven’t finished counting to 100 yet anyway.”
Out of his Mouth: "And I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a Great British company." — Defending a plan to allow a company from the United Arab Emirates to manage ports in the United States, aboard Air Force One, Feb. 21, 2006
In his Head: "what has everybody got against the middle east?? that's not where all the trouble-makers are! damn racists!"
Out of his Mouth: "And I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a Great British company." —George W. Bush, defending a plan to allow a company controlled by the United Arab Emirates to manage ports in the United States, aboard Air Force One, Feb. 21, 2006
In his Head: "please no one step up and say 'because you said so' pleeease"
Out of his Mouth: "I like my buddies from west Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them then I was middle-age, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president." — Nashville, Tenn., Feb. 1, 2006
In his Head:
"when i was young" : thinking of himself, young, playing cowboys and indians with other little children
"when i was middle-age" : ditto
"before i was president" : thinking of himself playing cowboys and indians with the people working on his campaign - missing his friends from west-texas
"during president" : thinking of his wonderful friends going off to iraq to fight for him, and looking forward to playing cowboys and indians with them when they get back
"after president" : "hah! i'm gonna be president for life!"
Out of his Mouth: “Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
In his Head: “Do you want some?”
Out of his Mouth: "He was a state sponsor of terror. In other words, the government had declared, you are a state sponsor of terror." — On Saddam Hussein, Manhattan, Kan., Jan. 23, 2006
"why do i keep having to repeat myself??"
Out of his Mouth: “For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
In his Head: “We’re gonna teach people to aim better.”
Out of his Mouth: "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." —Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005
In his Head:
"i can't make it clearer than that - these rats WILL be brought to justice!"
or
"and i AM the law!"
Out of his Mouth: "Because the—all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those—changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be—or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the—like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate—the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those—if that growth is affected, it will help on the red."—Explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005
In his Head:
"...
did i leave the gas on?
..."
So guy's, a little bit of strategy before the game is finally over. As soon as all of you tell me your best two I'll open voting for a week and we'll see who wins. Good Luck.
THE REST
This post is already way too long for anything else, and I'm way too busy. See ya tomorrow.
schpat out
Also I got the final submissions for the Bushisms contest, one lucky person will be walking away with a R100 gift certificate but you'll have to read until the end to find out how that's going to happen. Don't skip anything, I'll know!
THE POKER
Dude, absolutely fucking off the map hawsomeness. After a few problems with directions I met up with Roo and and we found the Italian "Club" where the day's festivities were due to get underway. Apparently we weren't the only people who had trouble with the directions because we started late to give people a change to find the place and there were quite a few no-shows leaving us with a starting field of 76. I was seated at table C with about four people I recognised from the last tournament one of which had actually been at my table of death and had to rebuy twice before only just outlasting me, and another who'd played in the satellite last week. Everybody was stopping by my table and greeting the people I didn't know and saying stuff like "ooh, though table" and "unlucky all you guys sitting together". I thought it was just the usual trash talk but I was wrong, as I was later to find out.
I played very tight, and very aggressively. I didn't win very many pots but those that I did win were big enough to keep me in the tournament. I was in the BB and was dealt AJc, there were a couple of limpers and I raised 3xBB and got only one caller, the guy who rebought twice in the last tournament. The flop was 963 with one club, he bet I called. The turn was a Q, he bet 1xBB and I called the very weak bet. The river was another low card, he checked and so did I because I thought he was trapping me. When he showed a set of 3's I knew I was right and that if I had bet he would have pushed me all in and I would have gone out right there. I thought I had lost it with my A high but somebody else at the table pointed out that I'd caught two clubs on the turn and river for a runner runner nut-flush. I was floored to have made such a stupid mistake. I could have trapped the trapper and won a huge pot, but I had lost concentration and because of that ended up not winning as much as I could have. It wasn't the worst mistake I could have made, but it's pretty unforgivable.
That was right before the first fifteen minute break, and as it turned out, the last break for the day. I berated myself for being so dumb, and chatted to Roo. Roo had also lasted to the first break but seriously only had enough chips for two BB left. I went back in with slightly above what I stated with but way below average because by this stage about half the field had gone out. That really surprised me because our table had only lost one player. The next break was scheduled for three hours time by we never got there because by then it was time for the final table, which I was on!
Leading up to this a few more people had gone out at my table, and a few had been moved to other tables to balance the numbers, but the core of players had stayed the same since the beginning. The last level before the final table was hectic. I was down to 1xBB in chips and managed to double up quite a few times so that when I got to the final table I was only the third smallest chip stack. Of my starting table no less than four of us had made it into the final, that's when I realised that it really was a scary table. I won a few hands and stole a couple of blinds but the levels were going up and I just couldn't keep up. Two of the final ten had gone out when I found myself on the BB with AQd two people had limped in and I pushed hoping for a miracle. One of the guys from my original table called what was a very small percentage of his stack with 88 and I didn't improve. I went out in 8th place with only 7 paying, I bubbled. I was pretty disappointed because at that stage I was only second shortest stack, I had about three times what the shortest did he ended up folding into 4th for R1750. At the time I thought I might be able to fold into the money, but if he won a hand I'd be screwed and I probably wasn't going to get a better hand than AQd, I'd do the same thing again. I was also disappointed that only 7 places paid because the advertised was 10 paying if there were 80 entrants, we were short four of that, or R1200 in entry fees. First place was supposed to pay R10k but only paid R7,2k I really don't understand how it worked, but I'm not going to make an issue of it the tournament directors were really nice guys and I trust that everything they did was on the up and up and that they didn't rip me off.
In the main game I only lost one had at a showdown, and I got through to the final table and placed 8th, and while disappointed that I didn't get any cash even though I'd gotten so close I'm just really happy to have gotten so far and played relatively well. If I'd gone out in say 25th place I'd be ecstatic, and not have as much disappointment, but I did better than that so I just gotta shake it off.
ITALIAN CLUB
After the main game we played another, with a smaller buy-in and fewer players. There was a time limit so we only started with 500 in chips and blinds went up every 15min. It was insane. This kind of speed play really doesn't suit me but I still managed to get through to the final table again going out in 8th, this time only three places paid so there's no feeling of disappointment.
The venue was brilliant, They had a cash bar and a restaurant with waiters milling around the poker tables taking orders. The coffee was brilliant, real Italian cappuccino rocked. During the second game I ordered a pizza, it was massive and used primo ingredients, one of which was real Italian salami, and it only cost R28!
Like I said the venue rocked, the fact that later on a few older guys in pinstripe suits arrived and went through a door marked "Private Card Room" or that Frank Sinatra was playing during the final table was just icing on the cake.
Another thing I have to mention is that the guys I played with were really nice. None of them were complete dicks like I experienced at the last tournament. I saw plenty of those dicks around but didn't play with them for long, when one of them arrived at the table we pretty much took them out quickly. The only reason I mention it is that I think that because we were playing at the Italian club people were a bit more respectful, capice?
THE CONTEST
Wow this is already a long post, and it's about to get longer. I had three serious entrants into the Bushism contest. Everybody made multiple submissions and because they're all really good I'm worried that the votes will be way too spread out to make any difference. For this reason I'm going to pos the complete list here and ask the three people who entered to choose their best two to compete with. Guys, suss out the competition and get back to me, via email to keep this anonymous.
Out of his Mouth: "I can look you in the eye and tell you I feel I've tried to solve the problem diplomatically to the max, and would have committed troops both in Afghanistan and Iraq knowing what I know today." — Irvine, Calif., April 24, 2006
In his Head: "diplomatically: the manner in which a person holding a diploma would act. - see degrematically"
Out of his Mouth: He Said: "If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything! If you don't stand for something, you don't stand for anything!" —George W. Bush, Bellevue Community College, Nov. 2, 2000
In his Head: "If I keep talking in circles they will get dizzy and this wont need to make sense"
Out of his Mouth: "As you can possibly see, I have an injury myself — not here at the hospital, but in combat with a cedar. I eventually won. The cedar gave me a little scratch." — After visiting with wounded veterans from the Amputee Care Center of Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 1, 2006
In his Head: "they'd be even more impressed if they knew how much that stung! mommy had to kiss it better!"
Out of his Mouth: "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
In his Head: “I mean, look at mermaids…That’s proof right there.”
Out of his Mouth:"I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005, on the reception of American forces in Iraq
In his Head: "but it SHOULD have been a peaceful welcome - don't these arabs watch fox news? EVERYBODY watches fox news!"
Out of his Mouth: "We are fully committed to working with both sides to bring the level of terror down to an acceptable level for both." —George W. Bush, after a meeting with congressional leaders, Washington, D.C., Oct. 2, 2001
In his Head: "My daddy always told me to aim for goals I can reach and not to seem too keen. Besides, if I say I will bring the level of terror down to zero they will all know i am lieing"
Out of his Mouth:"I mean, I read the newspaper. I mean, I can tell you what the headlines are. I must confess, if I think the story is, like, not a fair appraisal, I'll move on. But I know what the story's about." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005
In his Head: "dammit! when are they gonna open up 'The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Would Like To Do Other Things Good too'?!"
Out of his Mouth: “I'll be glad to talk about ranching, but I haven't seen the movie. I've heard about it. I hope you go — you know — I hope you go back to the ranch and the farm is what I'm about to say." —George W. Bush, after being asked whether he's seen Brokeback Mountain, Manhattan, Kan., Jan. 23, 2006”
In his Head: “Oh Jesus! Why are they asking me this? Do they know about me and Donald Rumsfeld? Quick George, say something to throw them off the scent! Ranching! Yeah, that’s manly! Talk about ranching!”
Out of his Mouth: "I aim to be a competitive nation." — San Jose, Calif., April 21, 2006
In his Head: "i KNEW i could use the word competitive in a sentence!"
Out of his Mouth: “Wow! Brazil is big." —George W. Bush, after being shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005
In his Head: “Idiot, he doesn’t even know where his own country is. That’s Australia! Brazil’s the little island next to that bit that looks like a boot.”
Out of his Mouth: "I strongly believe what we're doing is the right thing. If I didn't believe it — I'm going to repeat what I said before — I'd pull the troops out, nor if I believed we could win, I would pull the troops out." — Charlotte, N.C., April 6, 2006
In his Head: "okay, i need opposites here. think opposite! i can do this!"
Out of his Mouth: "You believe in the Almighty, and I believe in the Almighty. That's why we'll be great partners." —George W. Bush, to Turkish Prime Minister Recap Tayyip Erdogan, Washington, D.C. Dec. 10, 2002
In his Head: "You like ham burgers I like ham burgers...no no, thats not going to work, the ham thing. Um...You like beer , I like beer..oops, nope...um what else do I like , um dont think he knows the hungry caterpillar, um God yes God, but he doesnt call him God, something with an A..um..um o yes!..."
Out of his Mouth: "If the Iranians were to have a nuclear weapon they could proliferate." — Washington D.C., March 21, 2006
In his Head: "bastard speech writers! that's not a real word!... i wonder where irania is?"
Out of his Mouth: "The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
In his Head: "Wouldnt it be fun if Saddam was president of the united states? Then people wouldnt be so quit to tell him that the death penalty is a bad idea would they no.. and all the terrorists would be dead already. Saddam would deffinately be anti terrorism if he was president of the united states!"
Out of his Mouth:"[I]t's a myth to think I don't know what's going on. It's a myth to think that I'm not aware that there's opinions that don't agree with mine, because I'm fully aware of that." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005
In his Head: "if this is true, then i'm gonna have these people branded traitors and strung up, y'all."
Out of his Mouth: “The relations with, uhh — Europe are important relations, and they've, uhh — because, we do share values. And, they're universal values, they're not American values or, you know — European values, they're universal values. And those values — uhh — being universal, ought to be applied everywhere." —George W. Bush, at a press conference with European Union dignitaries, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005
In his Head: “God, I hope this isn’t a trick question. Europe’s not one of those Arab countries, is it?”
Out of his Mouth: "I mean, there was a serious international effort to say to Saddam Hussein, you're a threat. And the 9/11 attacks extenuated that threat, as far as I—concerned." — Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005
In his Head: "yeah, alright! how'd you four-eyed varmints like THAT?"
Out of his Mouth: "I think it's important to bring somebody from outside the system, the judicial system, somebody that hasn't been on the bench and, therefore, there's not a lot of opinions for people to look at." —George W. Bush, on the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, Washington, D.C., October 4, 2005
In his Head: "If the judge looks stupider then I am I wont look so stupid because every one will think the judge is smart cause they are a judge and if they are smart I must be smarter, HAH!"
Out of his Mouth: "And Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." — To FEMA director Mike Brown who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his job performance.—Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
In his Head: "heh, brownie. what a swell guy - i love that guy!"
Out of his Mouth: “It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of — and the allegations — by people who were held in detention, people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble — that means not tell the truth." —George W. Bush, on an Amnesty International report on prisoner abuse at Guantanamo Bay, Washington, D.C., May 31, 2005”
In his Head: “I’m so going to fire this speech writer. He can’t even spell ‘disassemble’. I mean, ‘dissemble’, seriously, where did this guy to college?”
Out of his Mouth: "No question that the enemy has tried to spread sectarian violence. They use violence as a tool to do that." — Washington
In his Head: "imagine if i didn't have my degree! this stuff is just BRILLIANT! i just don't understand why my nobel nomination hasn't come up yet *sigh*"
Out of his Mouth: “Because he's hiding." —George W. Bush, responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005”
In his Head: “And I haven’t finished counting to 100 yet anyway.”
Out of his Mouth: "And I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a Great British company." — Defending a plan to allow a company from the United Arab Emirates to manage ports in the United States, aboard Air Force One, Feb. 21, 2006
In his Head: "what has everybody got against the middle east?? that's not where all the trouble-makers are! damn racists!"
Out of his Mouth: "And I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a Great British company." —George W. Bush, defending a plan to allow a company controlled by the United Arab Emirates to manage ports in the United States, aboard Air Force One, Feb. 21, 2006
In his Head: "please no one step up and say 'because you said so' pleeease"
Out of his Mouth: "I like my buddies from west Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them then I was middle-age, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president." — Nashville, Tenn., Feb. 1, 2006
In his Head:
"when i was young" : thinking of himself, young, playing cowboys and indians with other little children
"when i was middle-age" : ditto
"before i was president" : thinking of himself playing cowboys and indians with the people working on his campaign - missing his friends from west-texas
"during president" : thinking of his wonderful friends going off to iraq to fight for him, and looking forward to playing cowboys and indians with them when they get back
"after president" : "hah! i'm gonna be president for life!"
Out of his Mouth: “Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
In his Head: “Do you want some?”
Out of his Mouth: "He was a state sponsor of terror. In other words, the government had declared, you are a state sponsor of terror." — On Saddam Hussein, Manhattan, Kan., Jan. 23, 2006
"why do i keep having to repeat myself??"
Out of his Mouth: “For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
In his Head: “We’re gonna teach people to aim better.”
Out of his Mouth: "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." —Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005
In his Head:
"i can't make it clearer than that - these rats WILL be brought to justice!"
or
"and i AM the law!"
Out of his Mouth: "Because the—all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those—changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be—or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the—like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate—the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those—if that growth is affected, it will help on the red."—Explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005
In his Head:
"...
did i leave the gas on?
..."
So guy's, a little bit of strategy before the game is finally over. As soon as all of you tell me your best two I'll open voting for a week and we'll see who wins. Good Luck.
THE REST
This post is already way too long for anything else, and I'm way too busy. See ya tomorrow.
schpat out
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