Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Another long, yet interesting, post

I TAKE IT BACK


Well I've had to review my thinking on the police force here in South Africa, here's why. On Sunday I had to go to my local police station in order to get some documents signed. I got to chatting to the inspector (the guy what is in charge) and he filled me in on a few horrifying details.

The first thing he told me about was the disastrous staff shortages. The police station in Pinelands is manned by only three people at any one time. One of them is left at the station and the other two cruise around in their van. This isn't just for Pinelands either, they also cover Ndebeni and parts of Epping and Langa. Just three policemen! There are sometimes six of them on duty, during a shift change.

The second thing was the shocking salaries these guys are paid. The inspector I spoke with told me that he had been with the police force for sixteen year, during which time he had earned a diploma and a degree in policing through UNISA. In any corporate environment the guy in charge of a section, with vast experience and qualifications would be raking it in every month, this guy's salary: R7 500. For less experiences and more junior officers it's much less than that. That's just shocking, there is no incentive to become a police officer, and you can understand why these guys accept bribes.

Well, you say, poor pay is fine because it's really easy to become a cop, no real prior qualifications are necessary. Well that's true, in fact the third thing the inspector told me was that they had dropped a lot of the entry requirements making it even easier to become a cop. Obviously this is because the average person who used to meet the requirements could probably get a better job elsewhere. So this leads to moronic policemen.

The fourth thing the inspector told me was that the police, until very recently, used to work 12 hour shifts with four days on and four days off. During their off time they would be able to supplement their income by working for private security firms, often paying more than the police. In the four day off period it was easy to work three eight hour shifts and effectively double their income. So what does the SAPS human resource department do about this, well they stop it of course. Now policemen work eight hour shifts five days on and two days off, while this does mean more policemen it effectively prevents them from moonlighting. Also those extra policemen are all working at different times which doesn't help the staff shortage at all.

So what does all this mean to my stand point on the cops?

Well the thing is this, I sympathise with them. I mean who'd want to be over worked and under paid? We all joke about this but these guys really are. With the seriously little money these guys are paid they need to supplement their income somehow. Is it their fault that they take bribes and don't do their jobs properly because they don't earn enough? Hell yeah it is! But I still feel sorry for them. It isn't however their fault that they are under-qualified and under-experienced to do their jobs.

In short, I still don't trust the police, but I've got masses of sympathy for them.

IN THE NEWS


Well to tie into the main opinion piece on this post here is an article about how some weapons were stolen from the police station in Maitland. One Shotgun and three handguns, the perfect starter kit for armed robberies.

This guy claims he was harrased by a ghost for sex for sixteen years before an exorcism was performed. The exorcism consisted mainly of offering the ghost a groom in the form of a paper doll, to ensure that the ghost would accept the proposal a paper maid and butler were also provided to show that the groom would be able to look after his spouse. All three were sent up in smoke.

Here's one for Zen and I to be worried about. Scientists have stated that the hookah may be hazardous to your health. It may cause gum disease just like regular smoking does. Nothing fun is ever good for you is it?

Teens sells mom's home porn. Yes, that's right a teen who stole her mom's video camera and sold it to a friend didn't realise that mommy and her boyfriend had left a little bonus material on the cassette. The mother's boyfriend found out when the footage started circulating in the neighbourhood.

And to challenge your notions on prehistoric plant life scientists have discovered that dinos dined on grass! This means that dinosaurs were around at the same time as grass, which flies in the face of previously held scientific theory, the impact of this is that dinosaurs and mammals might have co-inhabited the mad ball we call Earth. Wow, if scientists are wrong about this then maybe they're wrong about that whole evolution thing too!

Some women in the Good Ol' U S of A called the 911 emergency number to complain that her onion rings were cold. The waiter had brought her food to here cold, she phoned because she wanted the police to do something about it. Well they did, they high-tailed it on over there to arrest her ass!

And finally something to give you a good scare, at least if you live in the northern areas of our country. Prez Mugabe has announced that Zimbabwe will begin to dabble in nuclear power. Yep, that's right, they've found deposits of uranium and now they want to use them to produce electricity, apparently from scratch! Hey, it's a perfect excuse for the yanks to come in a depose an undemocratic regime, a pity they don't have anything valuable like oil!

THOSE CRAZY KENYANS


I thought this follow-up story deserved its own section. Kenyan voters have declared that vitamin C is much better that potasium! or is that oranges make better juice than bananas! or is it that they are unhappy with the current president! or maybe that they didn't agree with the draft constitution that had been put before parliament, nah couldn't have been that, that's way to complicated an issue.

The democratic process was ridiculed yesterday when masses of Kenyan voters voted for fruit. I really don't understand how the complex issues that surround an new constitution can be understood by the voting public when they can't even tell the difference between "YES" and "NO". The whole thing was a sham, it ended up being a popularity contest in which supporters of various political parties (mostly organised on tribal lines) were told which fruit to draw their "X" next to. Apparently it's easier to be democratic when people do what they are told!

Actually I'm glad the vote ended up as a "NO", but it's a far cry from actual democracy.

ANOTHER AMUSING PICTURE


I'm very surprised that no one has spotted any resemblance to any one we know in the picture with the gorilla. C'mon people do I have to spell it out?

Here is an amusing notice form a newspaper, I think it's rather funny actually.



SIGNING OFF

Well not much to say in the sign off, I've said a lot already. I'm off to role-playing tonight so that should be fun, unless of course TallAndSkinny doesn't pitch, then it'll probably be majong or something.

schpat out

PS: no power failures interrupted this post!

Friday, November 18, 2005

It never rains...

IT'S ONLY A GAME

Well it was an interesting game last night. We met a new character and got to totally mess with some poncy elves! Henri would probably have been friendlier if they had treated the party with a little more respect, but when you approach us with that air of superiority you just gota take what you get. Also just remember that Henri is not above shooting overly poncy, unreasonable elves in the back.

The new character seems a bit odd, but much nicer and friendlier than the one who is leaving. This is probably better for party cohesion.

GRAND THEFT AUTO

Well after everyone else had left I stood around and chatted to Zenstar at the car for a bit. Then got in my car and left down the road, that was at about 12:30am. Suddenly there are these really bright lights in my rear-view mirror and they're really close and moving quickly! I go "fuck, where did they come from?" Now at this point I think it's some dodgy drunk student and I decide ok, put some distance between us. "Warp speed Mr Sulu." (I would have said 'ramming speed' but now that we know about Sulu I didn't think that was such a good idea) Anyway, the more distance I give the fuckers, the closer they seem to get, fuck, give an inch and all that. I'm now starting to get worried, so I put peddle to metal and head round the corner into Alma Rd with a little hand brake assistance.

OMFG these guys are still behind me and closing in, I gotta get onto Liesbek so that I got more options, these back streets are really cramped! Ok avoid robots on Alma by sliding round the corner and really gunning it to the little on-ramp to Liesbek. They start flashing their head lights and I realise that they really are after me, I'm not just imagining it. I'm worried, what if they are just trying to tell me about something, but what if they want to like hijack and rob me? I decide that the best course of action is to actually stop in the on-ramp so that they can't pull up next to me. So I stop there and open the door, I step out of the car, grabbing a large bludgeoning implement on the way, only to find myself about to threaten a pair of cops, who are dumbfounded and currently reaching for their weapons.

I inform them that they scared the bajeebers out of me, and instruct them that a simple flash of those nifty blue lights would have avoided all the confusion. They understand and decide not to shoot me, a good thing all in all. Apparently they saw me getting into a car and leaving late at night and suspected me to be a car thief, they were close by with their lights off. I tell them thanks for protecting and serving, but think to myself that the average car thief doesn't exit the building with two other people, open the car, dump some stuff in it, see one of the others off in his car, chat to the other person for half an hour then leave; I didn't point this out of course. I think they felt quite sheepish about the whole not using the blue lights thing because they seemed as happy to see me leave as I was to get out of there. I still don't trust the cops though.



IN THE NEWS

These British folks are going to try fooling eight reality tv contestants that they have been sent to space. I think anyone with half a brain cell would realise if the launch was faked, but it might be good for a laugh. It does however raise ethical question about lying to people, it's the closest thing to the Truman Show I can think of, and that's kinda cool.

In another brilliant move the South African government has decided to sign a joint defence agreement with Zimbabwe. I mean WTF!??!!?! In the article the Zimbabwe's Minister for State Dydimus Mutasa is quoted as saying:

"The greatest threats to the stability of the region and Zimbabwe in particular is the threat of exogenous influences whose aim is to effect regime change especially in regards to my country"

How exactly did you guys get into power again, comrade?

In the same article Zimbabwe Defence Minister Sydney Sekeramayi said accounts of human rights abuses in Zimbabwe were merely imagined. Merely Imagined? that to the refugees.

I know this pic is actually anti-yank propaganda, but the message applies equally well here.



FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT

Does anyone in this photo look familar to you?



Here is another one that ties in with moonflake's post. While I resemble that remark I still agree with what moonflake is saying. Also I'm not at the pushing others out of their airline seats yet, the seats is snug, but I still fit. Also, like I said in my 20 random things, I realise that there is an issue and that I should do something about it.



I'm not as big as this dude am I? Someone would tell me if I was, right?

THATS IT FOR THIS WEEK

Well folks, that's all she wrote. This weekend I plan on not doing much at all, I may check out Episode II in Lego Star Wars.

cheers
schpat

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Eskom hates me!

Well It's been a long while since I blogged, I apologise for the delay, but work has been very hectic. We're currently planning for the festive season, our biggest time of year, and the stress is piling on. I'll do my best to at least post something small every day, but no promises!

RECENT EVENTS

One of the other reasons you haven’t had a post in so long was the huge power failure on friday. I was a long was through a long post on friday when some bright-spark computer program decided to drop the rods into the reactor core. I lost everything (oh the irony!!).

Well I had Zenstar round for supper twice over the weekend, I've been bowling (this is a lot of fun), And I performed home dentistry on myself last night (obviously that’s now the night before last). After my home (pain free) dentistry Elisabeth and I sat on our balcony enjoying the view, evening, good coffee and a nice cigar, it was very cool. I'll be doing that more often.

It's good to see that Total Waste's hot meat on Moonflake's chin is more important that the RAF, it got more comments!

SCHPATCON UPDATE

Well, they news is both good and bad. The bad news is that the date we chose (3rd December) clashes with ObsFest. Now I know we can't compete with drunken revelry so I decided to move SchpatCON out by two weeks until Saturday the 17th, this gives us yet another occasion for drunken revelry. The good news is that it means we have more time to sort out all the timing issues we've had due to hectic work pressure and unforeseen international business trips. I promise that SchpatCON will be worth the wait.

NEWS STORIES

I'm not going to bore you with too much detail here, but I've got some stuff I'd like to point out.

Doctors claim that this guy in the UK hasBeaten AIDS. Apparently his sample tested positive and then some time later another sample tested negative. They've apparently checked both samples for contamination and to verify that they are from the same source.

Some guy calculated that Flying to Hong Kong is Cheaper than Telkom ADSL. Actually it's cheaper to fly to Hong Kong and Download 100GB of data at an internet cafe than it is to Download the same amount of data over the fastest Telkom ADSL line, about R1,900 cheaper! Also it only takes like a day and a half as oppose to nine and a half days here. I haven’t checked the calcs, but its interesting.

I'm sure that you know by now that ex-dep-prez JZ has been in the news again, this time with allergations of rape. Now the ANCWL (that's woman's league) is getting in on the action demanding that the case is treated in a very serious light. This is doing nothing to fix the divide between JZ and TM, but they keep denying these tensions exist. They also vehemently deny that there has been any cover up, judge for yourselves. Now it seems as if Cosatu is rethinking it support after this newest allegation. Wow, that's a lot of links for one story. Don't you think it's strange that IOL hasn't set up a separate section for ZumaGate? (yep I've named it) At the moment they still have a section for the Shaik trial, do you think that they might be scared about drawing attention to the person who might become our next Prez?

beep ba beep ba beep beep beep

This just in: ARRGHHH!

Another power failure while typing a blog post!!!! Luckily I had saved recently. Twice now an "anomaly in the power grid" caused Koeberg computer program to drop the control rods and "cool" the reactor. Sounds like a Star Trek plot doesn't it? Just replace 'power' with 'sub-space' and 'reactor' with 'warp-core' and you'll see what I mean. Now Star Trek plots are made up to make us happy, where eskom's stories also fabricated to keep us happy? To point out one little issue with their story: They claim that yesterday's issue was caused by a fire under a transmission line about 80km from CT, but the relevant fire department denies that any fire existed! Is Green Peace right? Or is it Green Peace causing these issues? Mmm interesting!

We now return you to your scheduled programming

beep ba beep ba beep beep beep

Major retailers are planning on trading using finger prints as a method of payment instead of cash or credit cards. But even they admit:

"However, if a criminal chops of someone's finger or hand, then it could be used for a while, and thereafter would be useless. We are busy working on this and investigating different technology to detect this."

LOOTER GUY



This is the last picture of looter guy. Stay tuned, a new series starts soon.

NO ONE IS GAY FOR MOLEMAN

The Simpsons was especially funny last night, they used a “look into the future with the true science of Astrology” to see how the simpsons were fareing 8 years later. Well Bart and Lisa were teens and there were robots everywhere, even a special appearance by Futurama’s Bender. It also had a really adult theme with much more innuendo and sexuality than normal, because Bart and Lisa were teens. The heading here was really much funnier in context, a context I am not going to explain!

TRAINNG DAY

I’ve just had my Fire Marshal training and boy am I glad Denzel Washington wasn’t in charge. I now know where the radios are and what to do in case of an emergency or drill. Also I get to say “COPY”, “COME IN” and “OVER”, woot.

SIGNING OFF

Well, it's taken a long time to get this post to you, but now you have it. Also I've updated the news section of the blog and the links. If anyone out there knows a way to update this sections without updating the blogger template, please let me know.

I’m looking forward to role-playing tonight, it think there’s role-playing tonight.

cheers
schpat

Monday, November 07, 2005

AIDS-MAN!

THE WEEKEND

Well I had a really cool and productive weekend. Saturday morning was a lot of sleeping and relaxing, the afternoon was a lot of general housework. The relaxing really helped getting me energised to do the work. On Sunday morning I discovered that Zenstar and Moonflake's fridge had packed up and the freezer compartment was full of food that would rot if quick action was not taken. I went round to pick the stuff up and invited Zen round for supper, because Moonie is away, he had an exam today and I wanted to make sure he had a decent meal. Actually It was really because I could! I cooked Pork Chops marinated in cider with garlic and rosemary. It was yummy. Then we sat on the balcony chatting with Elisabeth for many hours, I hope his exam went well.

IN THE NEWS

Aids man gets prison time. At first I thought that this story might be about a new super hero being unfairly punished because the public were not fully aware of the good he was doing, but I was mistaken. This is a story of a modern-day Typhoid Mary spreading one of the worst communicable diseases in history. I'm glad this guy is getting jail time, but one has to ask what kind of president is being set. Engaging in unprotected sex is risky business, his partners knew that, by not telling them that he was HIV+ was he putting them in more danger than a prudent person would expect? If you answered yes is a friend who purposely understates the statistical probability of death during sky-diving responsible when his buddy is planted? Just a slippery slope for you to think about.

Copernicus' bones found. The remains of the man currently held responsible for Heliocentric theory have apparently been discovered. They plan on doing DNA tests to see if it really is him, although getting comparative samples might be a problem. Now, if it were Galileo's bones they'd have found getting a DNA sample would have been a piece of cake, his hand was removed and stored in the Vatican after his death. They probably also know that it was his body because it would be missing a hand!

Zenstar and I both, independently, claimed to have seen shooting stars last night. Well apparently now is a good time for viewing them, check out this story. At least we weren't in the grip of some kind of mass hysteria or anything.

BODY CORPORATE

Well last week the body corporate of my block had a meeting, unfortunately not enough people arrived to achieve quorum. That sounds sordid! Anyway, the meeting has been rescheduled for today so I'll be off to that soon.

cheers
schpat

ALMOST FORGOT THE LOOTING


Thursday, November 03, 2005

A Christmas Special

So It's been a little while since I’ve blogged, that's because I've been doing loads of work and a little bit of research for the Schpat Dope. I've had a mostly uninteresting week, I visited Zenstar on Tuesday night and we took a little trip to the V&A where we checked out the gadget and toy shops, had Ice-cream and generally arbed for a bit.

HERE'S SOME STUFF FROM THE NEWS


More corruption in the government. I'm sure that by now this totally doesn't shock you at all, but it's always good to know when your Deputy President AND your President have both been implicated in separate corruption scandals. Seriously, undermining a UN trade embargo is a pretty stupid move. I doubt anything will actually come of this, but give it a read.

Another case of mob justice. But surprising about this was that the police were there the whole time, but claim they were powerless to stop it. Personally when people resort to being mobs and start handing out mob justice, it is completely within the bounds of the law to start shooting them, trust me this'll knock the steam right out of them. I think it's more likely a case of the cops wishing they could do what the rest of the crowd was doing, especially since he was suspected of shooting a cop the day before. To be clear here, I feel very little for the know criminal that was killed here, but I still believe that he deserved a fair and speedy trial. As a side note, count the number of time the word "alleged" is used in the article.

How to pleasure yourself and others. This is apparently what a "guide for girls" published by the Women's Institute of the central northern region of Castilla La Mancha in Spain should have been called. The publishers intended for the guide to be a guide on how to "love themselves" and how to give "give sexual expression to others". The guide, aimed at 11 to 18 year olds and distributed in schools, suggested that girls find a "confidante" to give them full body massages, it included pictures of girl on girl massage action. Sounds like a fun read, where can I get one?

I LOVE IT WHEN LOOTING COMES TOGETHER



ALL AROUND THE WORLD

Yes folks, as you've noticed I've added a little widget to the blog that shows where people are reading from. It's quite a nifty little thing that I found thanks to ChityChityBangBang!. What I've noticed is that I have a regular reader in south eastern Europe, probably Croatia or Slovakia. Whoever you are I'd really appreciate it if you give us a shout and let us know exactly where you are. If you have a blog I'd love to reciprocate and read it. I love the way the internet has shrunk the world.

I've also noticed that about an equal number of people read my blog in Jo'burg and Cape Town. If you're in Jozi and reading this drop in a comment. Hell for that matter if you're reading this and have never commented before drop me a comment so I know whom to add to my Christmas card list.

In fact, everybody who responds to this post, local or international, will get a Christmas card from me this year. All you need to do is post a comment saying what town and country you're from, and a blog address if you have one. Then mail me at schpat@gmail.com with your actual address and I'll stick something in the post forthwith.

That's it for today
schpat out